Three

Happy third birthday in heaven, my sweet Matthew. Every single day since your passing has been more brutal than I ever knew life could be. I would have given anything for you to have a chance here. I’m so sorry I couldn’t save you. I will never stop wondering who you’d be today. I miss you always, in everything that we do as a family. I love you.

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Grief shifts

Today someone (who knows a little bit about Matthew) asked me how I came up with the names Joel and Fredrik. I can’t even begin to describe how badly this hurt. I wasn’t the least bit angry with this person, rather I was just sad. But I didn’t act sad. Instead I proceeded to cheerfully answer the question, giving a bit of detail about how I came up with each of their names… Continue reading

Runaway trailer; life just loves robbing me of my sanity

Last weekend Mark and Joel went on a father/son outing. They took the Dodge Ram 70 miles down I-44 to Cuba, MO to a place called Cowtown USA to pick up a camping trailer that I think we’ll probably never use, but Mark thinks we’ll use ten times per year, which is kind of a disparity… (Joel sat on some riding lawnmowers and boats, and then they ate some barbeque food as well.) I just can’t even with this description. I swear next thing I know it we’ll be raising goats, or hogs, in our backyard. I’ll be like my work friend who has a goat named Pinesol. Continue reading