So I kind of want to abolish the United States Postal Service for reasons mostly selfish. Howie hates their people, and they bring stuff that clutters up my house, which stresses me the eff out, and they bring lots of angst-inducing garbage, including, but not limited to, baby shower invitations, triggery family Christmas cards, and birth announcements… The latest and greatest thing they’ve delivered is a relative of the triggery family Christmas card, but it has distinct differences, so I’ll call it the triggery-family-Christmas-card-listing-of-all-of-the-miracles-and-answered-prayers-that-we-have-received-this-year-proving-that-not-only-does-God-exist-but-also-that-He-loves-us-and-by-way-of-deductive-reasoning-hates-you card.
So yesterday I received one of these cards (from a family member who knows about Matthew), and, in summary, it read, “We had XYZ health struggles this year. The fact that doctors thought X was going to die and he didn’t attests to the power of your prayers. The vast network of believers who offered us up in prayer has resulted in X’s healing. God is in control, and this is always a blessing… Yada, yada, yada.”
And usually upon hearing/receiving sentiments such as this, I have to wonder if it’s a joke. Like it seems like all of this has to be said/done tongue in cheek. Because I simply cannot imagine experiencing what I perceive to be a miracle from God and then so loudly proclaiming such as fact and then sending said proclamation in a Christmas card to people I presumably care about who’ve recently experienced a loss that ranks among the most devastating and just expecting them to be like, “Yay, God!”
Because this isn’t what happens.
What happens is that I read these words to mean, “So many people prayed for us (but they didn’t pray for you). God answered our prayers (but He didn’t answer yours). God loves us (but He hates you). God is in control (so He killed Matthew or, at best, He let him die, as well as let, and continues to let, so many other horrific things happen).” And then I roll my eyes and smirk and say (with all of the sarcasm) something like, “Yeah – God is in control. Always a blessing. Maybe for you. Until it isn’t.” And then I cuss and discuss with Mark all of the fallacies of these proclamations, and then I kind of begin to think the sender has a self-centered world view (probably) and lacks sensitivity (definitely) and is also deficient in critical thinking skills (absolutely).
I am not trying to debate the existence/non-existence of God. I am no theologian. I do not have any answers. And, for the record, no one does.
I’m simply explaining how this shit makes me (and a lot of others, religious or not) feel (SAD AND OFFENDED AND RAGEY).
I totally respect that people have the right to attribute things in their own lives to God/prayer/witchcraft/whatever, but those who care about us, for the love of all things holy, should refrain from mailing us the triggery-family-Christmas-card-listing-of-all-of-the-miracles-and-answered-prayers-that-we-have-received-this-year-proving-that-not-only-does-God-exist-but-also-that-He-loves-us-and-by-way-of-deductive-reasoning-hates-you card unless they want some (well-deserved) shade thrown their direction.
NOTE: I know I need to just let these things go, but it’s my blog, and I can rant if I want to.
chickydoodles 
I love your statement.. NOTE: I know I need to just let these things go, but it’s my blog, and I can rant if I want to. That definitely made me chuckle and that is definitely how I feel about my blog. And if people don’t like it they don’t have to read. They can just keep on keeping on
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keep ranting girl. I totally feel the same way!
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So so so many times I read about a new Facebook group praying for a little baby/child/fetus and I feel jealousy. But then I also have so much fear for that family who created one. We created one for Claire when I was pregnant because we knew she would have medical issues and wanted to keep loved ones updated. But the worst feeling in the world is having to post “Thanks for your prayers but they didn’t work.” Or at least they didn’t work out how I wanted them to. And then still having said Facebook group and wondering if/when to shut it down. Will one day I want to go back and read all the updates and optimism we had? Or will I read it and think “Man, you had no idea what was coming, did you?”
I’m not one for Christmas cards in general– I think it’s a waste of money. But having gone through this, and have several friends who have been struggling with infertility for YEARS, certainly makes me think twice about why they even exist.
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Once again, I hate people.
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Okay Christine, you seriously have worst people in your life in regards to letters, cards, etc. I mean seriously no one sends me that crap and I went to Catholic school for 14 years. Maybe that’s the difference! We are all so ruined from our parochial upbringings that we get as far away from that crap as possible. Loved the rant, it’s so true!
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Ha – The worst part is, this isn’t even the only card like this I’ve received!
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Yep, I hate people. A little more each day.
I’m sorry they sent that to you.
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I know, right? I can hardly interact with anyone these days.
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Never underestimate the tosh that will flow out of people… when Freddie died some of our Christian friends said “I don’t know why the devil is targeting you but the only way to avoid it happening again is to open your hearts to God” …. I just couldn’t believe they were using our moment of weakness, when we were brought to our knees, to proselytise… as an atheist I have never felt the need to question their ‘charismatic evangelism’ but that was the final straw… she was basically saying that God let my son die at 38 weeks because I’m an atheist?! I hope your relatives read this and understand the pain they’ve caused. Imagine if X died and you had sent a card being like “God gave us Joel this year so it’s proof that he is in control and listens to prayers…”. Much love and sympathy. Xxx
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OMG – I don’t know how someone could say “the devil is targeting you.” I can’t fathom how people can actually believe some of the things they say. I am so very sorry that someone said something so hurtful to you.
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Rant away! This sort of thing is infuriating for me. I simply can’t imagine the pain it inflicts on someone who has suffered a loss. People like this tend to live in a world of empty platitudes and easy answers and, truly, it makes me wonder how they could have so little empathy. These things read cheap and hollow, not at all what I expect of a genuine relationship with God. So sorry you have to endure stuff like this. Keep on keeping on! -C
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Thank you. Yes, everyone wants the easy answers even if they make no sense. It’s truly puzzling.
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Someone said to me recently, “God has big plans for you… maybe twins or triplets?”…. like multiple babies in my future could ever make up for losing Harlee, or she wasn’t a good enough plan. I wonder if people even use their brains at all.
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OMG – nothing could make up for you losing your precious Harlee. I can’t even believe the things people think (and then say!).
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Okay, so I’ve been a lurker for a while now, but when I read this post I just had to comment because I almost screamed out loud, “YES, THIS!”
This is exactly how I have been feeling–all of it. And unless people have been there, they try and cover you in their pithy little sentiments and expect you to miraculously feel better. I lost my twins at 21 weeks. They were IVF babies and they WERE “God’s Big Plan”. I struggle when people say that something big is coming my way because I already HAD something big. What is bigger than becoming a parent to a child/children you so desperately wanted? GAH. If punching people in the face for saying stupid things was socially acceptable, I could probably be semi-pro MMA fighter by now…
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Thank you for reading and for commenting. I’m so very sorry for your loss of your precious twins and for your infertility struggles. It is beyond unfair and devastating and heartbreaking. I think you should punch someone in the face and then ask if that was “God’s plan” too. Sending you love and light. xoxo
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Thank you for this. For those of who believe in God I think loving Him – or at least keeping some type of faith…. despite what He does or doesn’t do (and by the way I believe that everything in the world is part nature/part luck). I refuse to believe that our prayers, our pleadings, were not heard and I also choose to believe that others who were more fortunate prayers were. That’s not the way the world works. And it’s hurtful when people pull that shit.
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