I hope Thanksgiving was as gentle on everyone as possible. I wanted to write something about how one can be both grateful and grieving at the same time, but I didn’t, so instead I wrote a list of things I felt (I laughed, cried, did all those things)/am feeling at the moment. Continue reading

Halloween recap

I’m copying my friend Brooke and maybe some others because I guess this is a thing, but I’m going to try to blog every day in November (and then some because I’m already two days behind) and who knows what I’ll say but I’m thinking some people might unfollow me, and I’ve made peace with this. But then again, some might be bored and looking to read about me every day of their life, so it balances out. Continue reading

On Father’s Day

Left behind as doctors sprinted me down the hall into my emergency C-section, he worried he could lose both of us. Alone he waited, and alone he was told that although I made it, our first child, Matthew, did not. Shattered and heartbroken, and still alone, he waited for me to wake up, waited to share the worst, most soul-crushing news imaginable. Continue reading

Mother’s Day musings (one week late)

I figured I’d try to write about this, albeit one week late… Since starting my blog I have yet to write a detailed post about how I’ve processed any of the major holidays… The best I’ve been able to do is put little blurbs about each one of them into my “random happenings” posts. I feel like a giant failure as a blogger in this regard, because after losing a child (or going through anything deeply traumatic), holidays tend to bring up so many emotions, piercing the heart in new, excruciatingly painful ways, so I should be writing about at least some of them as I share my grief journey, amiright? But truthfully, most holidays have left me too breathless and exhausted to do so. Continue reading