“I’m not sure you were ever normal, even before Matthew died,” a baby loss mom friend recently texted. Continue reading
There’s officially no hope for me.
My therapist recently explained that those who are happiest in life have this crazy amount of faith – faith that things will turn out okay, faith that not only is there a heaven but also that they and everyone they know/love are going there. When someone dear passes they’re fine with waiting out their remaining time on earth until they’re reunited, etc., etc. It’s not the minimum requirement mustard-seed type of faith, like it’s a faith in the form of virtual certainty. Continue reading
Written before lunch today:
At the end of last week, not even ten minutes after my anxiety attack had subsided (as much as my anxiety can subside), I received an email from my boss entitled “various stuff.” In the email my boss told me she’d like to do lunch to discuss some new, exciting software and also “catch up” as “she doesn’t see me very often these days.” Continue reading
Last Monday we had our anatomy ultrasound for little Finch. (I’m using Finch to refer to this baby until he’s born… Flicker came in a very close second, and some people said they liked Falcon as well, so it was a difficult decision.) Continue reading
“What kind of character traits would you wish for him to have as an adult?” Continue reading
I wish I could say I’ve found meaning in my tragic loss of my child.
I wish I could say someday I will.
Oh you beg to differ?
You’re wrong. Continue reading
It seems I’m in recovery mode from my latest meltdown. I figured I’d change it up and try making a list of things that are causing me to feel better, and maybe this will help me feel EVEN MORE BETTER, kind of like the positive affirmations where one looks in the mirror and is like, “I’m beautiful enough. I’m smart enough, and goddamn it, people like me.” (Except I’m not so sure about the “ people liking me” bit…) Continue reading
Someone anonymously dropped an Easter basket in our front yard (for Joel), so Mark assumed that it was Doris who did this and insisted that we go to thank her immediately. I was like, “But what if it wasn’t from her?” And Mark was like, “It definitely was.” So you know where this is going… We walked over to Doris’ house, and she happened to be in her front yard, and Mark was like, “Thank you so much for the basket you left for Joel!” And Doris was like, “I didn’t leave him a basket.” And Mark (seeing a shovel in Doris’ hand) was like, “Are you planting some flowers?” And Doris was like, “No, I’m burying my cat. He died today.” Continue reading
So we got a new SUV, and Emily’s boyfriend bought our Hyundai. After the transaction closed, she was like, “OMG – I can’t even handle it. SO much is happening.” Oh, girl… To be young and naïve again. (I love her, by the way.) Continue reading
Our current status is that we don’t know whether we’re selling our house or doing some redecorating, so we’re kind of proceeding with both – just keeping our options open. Our latest purchase is a new dining room table and chairs and sidebar and picture. I liked our old furniture, a solid-oak Mission style set, but we decided we wanted to refresh a few things, so we sold our old set on Craigslist (with our chandelier too, because we had an extra one in our basement!) and purchased a new table from Restoration Hardware and got a steal of a deal on some chairs and sidebars from Wayfair, and my mom bought us a picture of a moose from Crate & Barrel, because apparently everyone thinks Mark looks like a moose, so they call him “moose,” and Mark isn’t above having a picture of himself in our dining room, rather he actually likes it. Continue reading