So much to do, so little time

Tonight I resurrected my rainbow chain, which I’ll use to help me count the days down to Finch’s scheduled birth date, except the links are Christmas colors (rather than rainbow colors) this time… Also, the chain is much shorter compared to last time (I’ve constructed it later in this pregnancy), which is good, because ohhh emmm geee, you guys, 70 links last time was excessive, equivalent to making a Christmas countdown chain in early OCTOBER. Continue reading

Circle

Today’s been a bit of a cluster, and now here I sit catching my first breather, and I’m feeling a bit (or a lot) on edge. Mark was supposed to leave early today for a business meeting, so Mark’s mom was going to fly in right in time to help with Joel at my 9:00am doctor’s appointment. Continue reading

Joel’s story

I’ve been itching to post Joel’s birth story, but until today, writing it seemed a task insurmountable, because, turns out, being a parent to a living child and to a dead child is hard work. And so is breastfeeding. So much so that I struggle to envision the day where I partake in activities unrelated to lactation. And also, the idea of writing Joel’s story has seemed daunting, because I spent seven action-packed days in the hospital (three prior to his birth and four after), but today I’m attempting, in this different sort of timeline format, and I’m hoping that I can resume my regular writings shortly so I can share my other recent experiences as well as process the inevitable shitstorm of complicated emotions that accompany bringing home our beautiful baby boy almost exactly one year after leaving our other beautiful baby boy behind. So here goes… Continue reading

My thought process re: timing of delivery…

So my recent stress mostly relates to timing of delivery. I’m having a scheduled C-section, which means I get to (within reason and provided I don’t go into labor) choose the date that Jay is born. And I’ve chosen it, setting my rainbow chain accordingly. But it doesn’t mean I don’t second guess myself… So, needless to say, this decision is weighing heavily on me to say the least. Continue reading

High/low

I plan to write about how we spent Matthew’s birthday later, but it’s been a rollercoaster of a week, so for now I’m going to pretend I’m a teenage boy who generally only provides one word answers to questions and possesses the personality of a dead fish, and my parents are trying to drag some information out of me at the dinner table via the “high/low” conversation starter game, and then it all comes spewing out because there actually are so many highs (maybe) and lows beneath the surface. Continue reading