Heartwarming stories and conversations

So on Sunday at church Mark was holding Joel talking to some strange woman, and when he returned to me he was like, “Haha. She just asked me if Joel was a boy or a girl.” And I was like, “Really?” And Mark was like, “Well, it isn’t surprising. Joel’s outfit is pretty asexual…” Continue reading

A sad, sad room

There is another photoshoot at our house today (wrote this yesterday), and they want to shoot a scene in our master bedroom, which isn’t decorated very well, so I cannot fathom why, but regardless, I’ve been sitting in Matthew’s/Joel’s room (the nursery) with Joel and Mark’s mom for the last three hours, worried that the photographers will see my retainer that has been half eaten by Howie (I think I left it on my nightstand), but I wear it anyway, because it still works, and I am frugal, and I also can’t help but feel so fucking sad. I can feel myself headed into the familiar downward spiral, the pit of grief and anxiety. Continue reading

Milestones and mastitis and melancholy feelings

***I am dedicating today’s post to SHARE’s Walk of Remembrance and the Wave of Light, in support of infertility and pregnancy and infant loss, and shattering the stigma. Click here for a list of the amazing, courageous bloggers on the tour, leading up to Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day on October 15.***

Mark scheduled Joel’s baptism for Sunday, October 2 without my knowledge. I mean, we’d discussed it, but only a little bit. But Mark grew up Lutheran, and one thing I’ve learned after all of these years knowing Mark is that Lutherans will get their panties in a bunch if an infant’s baptism isn’t scheduled like immediately after he is born. But because I didn’t grow up religious, and I’m aware that some denominations wait until like age 13 to baptize, my panties weren’t in a bunch at all, so Mark just scheduled it behind my back, because I guess he and his family were getting uncomfortable and didn’t like my “we’ll do it later” attitude, which makes sense considering later may never come, because any of us could drop dead tomorrow. (Or today.) And also, we were being divas and didn’t want to share a baptism date with a family with all living children, and our pastor informed us that this date met our criteria. Continue reading