I recently told someone I didn’t sleep well the night prior and was then questioned, “Did you watch or read something scary before you went to bed?” Continue reading
PTSD
Sketchy office behavior, and the shame I still feel
There’s a chance I screwed up… Anyone who’s been following me for any length of time knows that subsequent pregnancies are difficult for me to share, so I tend to hide them and disclose only on an as needed basis (except my whole sharing on the internet business, but this is different than in real life, somehow), especially at work. Continue reading
Erased (warning: this may be incoherent)
Ughhhhh, I’m supposed to be working on budget stuff, but I had a therapy appointment at 7:00am, and it was so extra draining, which usually catches me by surprise, as I’m already pretty drained and also accustomed to talking about Matthew and my issues, but my therapist has a talent for asking me questions that dig deep and reduce me to tears and heaving sobs almost immediately. Also, I learned that my therapist used to be a stockbroker, which isn’t contributing to my emotional reaction, but it does blow my mind. So I feel like I need to process some of this here before I actually go about my day – like when I spew things onto the internet I can function better… Continue reading
Tomorrow it’s back into the fire.
Today I’m 30 weeks pregnant, and tomorrow is our first non-stress test (NST) and biophysical profile (BPP) with baby Finch. In other words, tomorrow is the day I jump back into the fire. Continue reading
Finch update
Last Monday we had our anatomy ultrasound for little Finch. (I’m using Finch to refer to this baby until he’s born… Flicker came in a very close second, and some people said they liked Falcon as well, so it was a difficult decision.) Continue reading
Contemplating a future
“What kind of character traits would you wish for him to have as an adult?” Continue reading
More deep and random thoughts and happenings
Our current status is that we don’t know whether we’re selling our house or doing some redecorating, so we’re kind of proceeding with both – just keeping our options open. Our latest purchase is a new dining room table and chairs and sidebar and picture. I liked our old furniture, a solid-oak Mission style set, but we decided we wanted to refresh a few things, so we sold our old set on Craigslist (with our chandelier too, because we had an extra one in our basement!) and purchased a new table from Restoration Hardware and got a steal of a deal on some chairs and sidebars from Wayfair, and my mom bought us a picture of a moose from Crate & Barrel, because apparently everyone thinks Mark looks like a moose, so they call him “moose,” and Mark isn’t above having a picture of himself in our dining room, rather he actually likes it. Continue reading
Frozen
I’ve not been able to write as much lately. It isn’t for lack of material though… The last couple of weeks since my first trip to the Maternity Trauma Center, have been eventful, though not in any earth-shattering sort of way… Not to an outsider, at least. But my high level of internal turmoil has me paralyzed, frozen, it seems. By fear and anxiety. Sure there have been moments of hope and reprieve, but these seem so fleeting as of late. Continue reading
Anxiety and exhaustion
I’m approaching 24 weeks in my pregnancy with Jay. Viability. The point at which a baby can live outside the womb should he need be delivered. (Though at 28 weeks the odds of survival become much higher.) I celebrated this milestone in my pregnancy with Matthew. How stupid and naïve I was. Continue reading
chickydoodles 