Job prospects for Joel

Some job prospects are emerging for Joel based on his personality/interests… Continue reading

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Peanut

The other day I was perusing Instagram, and I stumbled upon a D-list celebrity’s page, and she’d just made a sponsored post for a newish app called Peanut. It’s basically like Tinder for mommies – you sign up, and it shows mommies near you, and you can swipe a certain way if you think you have something in common, or another way if you think you don’t, and when you find someone, instead of hooking up, I guess you can meet at a park or coffee shop for a playdate… Continue reading

In bigger news… ***trigger warning***

I cut my own bangs, and I ran out of shampoo this morning, so I had to use Mark’s Head & Shoulders for Men, which hopefully cured the dandruff with which I don’t struggle, but it’s distracting, because my boss came to see me, and I couldn’t focus on budgets, the subject of our discussion, because instead I was wondering, “Does she notice how much I smell like a man?” Continue reading

And like that, he’s one

On Thursday Joel will turn one. Soon I’ll start cleaning the house in preparation for his party on Saturday. We’ll attempt to make Joel what will probably, at best, be a pathetic-yet-tasty version of a “Howie cake.” We’ll pick out Joel’s outfit, and I’ll stress about our still grassless yard and about whether we’re celebrating Joel’s birthday appropriately, because I don’t know, as I haven’t been to an event like this in ages, as I still don’t interact regularly with society. We’ll finalize our menu filled with Joel’s favorite foods… Pulled pork sandwiches, green beans, some other sides, watermelon, cantaloupe, perhaps fruits in all the colors, displayed (tritely) in the shape of a rainbow on a giant fruit platter, a subtle reminder of just how brutal our journey was to get him here. Continue reading

Me too

Today it was 70 degrees in February, and Joel’s babysitter called in sick, so I stayed home with him, and we went to the park. I put down a blanket and placed him on it so he could watch the slightly older kids play. I watched too as some moms interacted with their kids, and I could feel a lump forming in my throat, and it was kind of hard to breathe as the familiar thoughts washed over me, “I will never be like them. I don’t think we could ever be friends.” Continue reading

On Joel and Howie

When Howie was younger we took him on a float trip with friends, and it was kind of miserable, because there was some midnight puking in the tent and a long bus ride to the river, after which Howie raced off the bus and humped another dog as they ran down the shore (who knew dogs could run so fast and hump so hard at the same time), and then Howie wanted to jump out of the raft or canoe or whatever we were riding, so he was whimpering for like seven hours, and we had to restrain him, and, most notably, because we were in the sticks of Missouri, apparently no one had ever seen a golden doodle before, so about 300 inebriated people questioned us (some from hundreds of yards away), “WHAT KIND OF DOG IS SHE?!?!” (One would have thunk we were floating down the river with a fucking Siberian tiger.) Continue reading

Squash moms have balls

This afternoon we ate at our local athletic club, and they were holding a squash tournament, so the restaurant was super crowded with middle school aged kids, all of whom had their heads buried in their cell phones, including the four kids sitting behind us, which resulted in one of their dads scolding them, “Could you put your fucking cell phones away?! No wonder you’ve been here for 40 minutes, and no one’s taken your order!” I was kind of appalled but not really, because I’m accustomed to the f-bomb, and it was sort of nostalgic, as it’s something I could envision my dad saying to me. Continue reading