So here’s something shocking… I threw myself a baby shower. Kind of. If you’re offended you weren’t invited, my apologies. Maybe. I would have only invited like seven people anyway, but I figured no one was available for my spontaneous baby shower at 9:00pm on a Wednesday night, so the guest list included Mark, Howie, and me. Continue reading
rainbow baby
Prove it
I enter our kitchen after a long day’s work. It’s a cold November night, already dark outside. My phone starts ringing – I can feel it vibrating in my purse. I fumble for it, finally finding it. I glance at the screen. I’m relieved to see that it’s Mark. He’s in Minneapolis on business, doing audit work for one of his many Minnesota clients. His schedule is demanding when he’s out of town. So I’m glad for the opportunity to talk to him – the days are long, and the nights are longer sometimes in my state of intense grief, especially when Mark’s away. Continue reading
Jay – umbilical cord pathology scan 1
We had our first umbilical cord pathology scan for Jay on April 27. Short update – fortunately, no cord issues were noted. But we realize the cord will continue to move, which is why we’ll be looking at it a few more times, though fingers crossed each appointment will be equally uneventful to this one. If you’re interested in more details about my appointment and what the actual scan entailed, read on… Continue reading
South Carolina vacay

We just returned from four days in Hilton Head, South Carolina (Westin Resort) – probably our last opportunity to travel any significant distance for a while because I’m (justifiably) paranoid. Mark’s parents joined us for the trip. And, to be fair, we also invited my parents, but they declined our invitation because they’d “rather stay home with their dogs.” And I’m not sure what this says about my parents or about us. (Though, in full disclosure, unfortunately, one of their dogs is dying, which royally sucks and renders their decision more reasonable.) Continue reading
When tables turn
She enters my office and shuts the door. She sits down across from me. It’s a cold, Friday evening in January. It’s after hours, already dark outside. My office is nearly pitch black, as there’s no sunlight coming through the window – no sunlight to make up for my lights being off. Only the light from my two monitors illuminates my face. The light from the hallway transforms her into a shadowy silhouette like from one of those crime shows where they black out the witness to conceal her identity. I abruptly stop what I’m doing. Continue reading
Anxiety and exhaustion
I’m approaching 24 weeks in my pregnancy with Jay. Viability. The point at which a baby can live outside the womb should he need be delivered. (Though at 28 weeks the odds of survival become much higher.) I celebrated this milestone in my pregnancy with Matthew. How stupid and naïve I was. Continue reading
You can’t stop Debbie Downer!

There’s this nurse from Anthem BlueCross BlueShield (my health insurance provider) who, over the past few months, has had the misfortune of becoming acquainted with me. Continue reading
Revealing my crazy – psych update
Assuming I make it to our planned delivery date ~37/38 weeks, I’m over half way through this pregnancy with Jay. And I can feel my anxiety levels creeping up. Continue reading
But I’m the MOST important
Opinions are like assholes – everyone has them. And many feel compelled to share them. Though, in this way, I’m not sure opinions are like assholes, because who actually wants to share his/her asshole? But wait… Maybe… I guess I shouldn’t have taken it this far… Continue reading
Jay update – anatomy scan
This week we had our anatomy scan (the ultrasound where they assess the organs and other structures to ensure all seems to be developing properly) for baby Jay. And he looked healthy, and for this we’re so thankful. Continue reading